The Safe Line 3

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Part 3 of "The Safe Line" is up at Poboy Muse.

I have the gentle nudge of a recent aquaintance and the pointed chastisement of a young thinker to thank for helping to shake off the cobwebs that had formed on this story. I am still having a dickens of a time figuring out how to wrap it up. Maybe "Dickens" is the wrong word to use; he was quite an accomplished storyteller if memory serves.

Hack away.

Related Tags: Creative Writing, Horror, Adventure, Short Stories, Fiction

Movie Theater Haikus

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Movie Theater Haikus:

Ice Cream on the Floor

Best seat in the house
Six talkers sit next to me.
Worst seat in the house

*

Strobe

What the heck is that?
Constant, maddening flashes
Stop text messaging.

*

Feeling Septuagenarian

Cell phones are ringing.
Who is raising these monsters?
Must. Kill. Teenagers.

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Ebony Ebert and Roper

Two, older, black men
Loud, running commentary
Why won't you shut up?

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Chinese Water Torture

Drip ... Splash ... Drip ... Splash ... AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I will pay you for silence.
Now will you shut up?

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Hopeless Cause

Be quiet. Zip it.
Ssshhh. Ssshhh. Ssshhh. Ssshhh. Ssshhh. Ssshhh. Ssshhh.
Yes, you. Please, shut up.

*

Recurring Theme

Here we go again ...
This movie would be better
If you would shut up.

*

Respite

Dark, cool, quiet peace
Blessed, heavenly solitude
Monday's first showing

**

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Filed in Rants, Humor

Related Tags: Movies, Movie Theater, Film, Haiku, Poetry, Satire, Humor

Fate Be Damned

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NOTE: I did a satirical version of the parable found in this Sunday's Gospel about a year ago. It was called "A Postmodern Retelling of the Parable of the Pharisee and the Publican"

Jesus told a parable one time about a Pharisee (super-religious guy) and a tax-collector (scum-of-the-earth). They both went to the Temple in Jerusalem to pray to God. The Pharisee thanked God that he was not as bad as other people. The Pharisee layed out all his religious deeds before God. It was like a bad interview where you can tell that the interviewee (in this case God) is wanting to say, "Is there a question that you wanted to ask?"

The dirtbag tax-collector approached his devotions in a very different manner. His physical deportment and the words he chose communicated humility. It is certainly possible to look downcast with a haughty heart. It is possible to say self-effacing words while being perfectly self-aggrandizing. That was not the case with this fictitious supplicant. His words and attitude aligned, and God heard his prayer.

The conclusion of the parable favors the tax-collector over the Pharisee. Pride is bad. Humility is good. Boasting against others is bad. Contrition is good. God will justify and exalt the humble and contrite person. God will condemn and abase the arrogant person. He said all this in the Old Testament (see Psalm 51:17)

There is much anti-clericalism floating around these days. That is not the lesson that Jesus was intending to teach. There were humble Pharisees (see Nicodemus in John 3). There were certainly arrogant tax-collectors. Tax-collectors were not hated without cause. The point is that we are to approach God in contrition over our own sins, not seeking to make our rotten apple look shinier because it doesn't have a worm sticking out of it like the next guy's.

There was once an angry, persecutin' so-and-so named Paul. As a zealous Pharisee, he was determined to snuff out the Church. One day the Lord appeared to him and he was transformed. He became a leader in the Church. His story teaches us an important lesson.

None of us are locked into some kind of fate. We may be going due south at 100 MPH. Nevertheless, life is not on a monorail. We are permitted to change directions. Those of us who lived as blasphemers and pleasure-seekers may be brought to see the errors of our ways. We may be granted repentance unto life. We may enter the highway of holiness and know the peace of clean hands and a pure heart.

Paul became the greatest apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ. He bore witness to the Son of God throughout the ancient world, outlaboring all of his fellow apostles. He attributed his exploits to the grace of God which had transformed him, however unworthy he was. He maintained an attitude of humility and remembered how he had persecuted those whom he eventually served.

O GOD, who declarest thy almighty power chiefly in showing mercy and pity; Mercifully grant unto us such a measure of thy grace, that we, running the way of thy commandments, may obtain thy gracious promises, and be made partakers of thy heavenly treasure; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Propers for Trinity 11

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Related Tags: Jesus Christ, Parables, Saint Paul, Humility, Repentance, Grace, Prayer, Pride

The Dark Side of Spiritual Gifts

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Imagine it is your birthday. You've had a great gathering with your family and friends. They gave you some really nice cards and thoughful gifts. The evening is winding down. Everyone is gone except for your best friend.

She tells you that she wanted to give you her gift privately. She hands you a modest box. You politely read the attached card but are really wondering about what she got you. You open the gift and are not sure how to react. Inside is a book on parenting.

Context is everything. If you are an expecting mother and your friend has successfully raised some children, then you are most likely grateful. If you already have older children then you might be taken aback. You might even be downright offended.

Your friend senses that you are not thrilled by her gift. She excuses herself and says goodnight. After cleaning the kitchen up you take a seat on the couch. The book is staring at you from the coffee table. You start to feel peeved at your friend again. Your thoughts take off.

"Who does she think she is? I've been parenting as long as she has, actually longer. How could she be so rude?"

It takes a little while, but you eventually calm down. You start thinking about your friend. She's not perfect but she is definitely a friend who has weathered some storms with you. You start to think about your children. They're not horrible but neither are they where you had hoped they would be.

You pick up the book and start thumbing through the table of contents. At some point you get past the introduction and start reading. You already know much of what the author is saying. Nevertheless, the presentation reminds you of some of the commitments that you let slip a long time ago. You read on and glean very practical guidance on how to recover some of the things that have been lost in the daily grind.

It's about midnight and you put the book down for a moment to stretch your bad shoulder. Your think about your friend. It's too late to call. You go over to the computer and write a quick email to apologize and invite her for coffee. As you shut down the computer you say a prayer of thanks for the refreshing that you are experiencing and for your faithful friend.

**

Spiritual gifts can be a pain in the gluteus maximus for both the one exercising and the one receiving the gift. We like healing, miracles and mercy, but how about prophecy and discernment? We want to be patted, stroked, told how much God loves us. We're not all that excited about having our sins pointed out or hearing what our responsibilities are as disciples of Christ. We like comfort. We'll pass on judgment.

If we got a letter telling us that the Lord wanted to come to our church for a visit we would be understandably overjoyed. Would we still be happy to have him if, when he entered the fellowship hall, he started pointing out our church's deficiencies (Revelation 2-3)? How about if he accused us of working against the very purpose of the church's existence: the worship of God (Luke 19:45-8)? Would we let him clean house?

If we let the Lord get us straightened out we would receive the unspeakable blessing of his instruction. God tears something down only to build something better in its place. The process is painful because of our intractable hearts. Nevertheless, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit do not weary of wounding and healing us as we recover more and more of the Imago Dei in our communion.

Propers for Trinity 10

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Related Tags: Spiritual Gifts, Prophecy, Miracles, Discernment, Healing, Mercy, Church, Salvation

Irony

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Filed in Humor

Related Tags: Gene Robinson, ECUSA, GenCon03, TEC, Homosexuality, General Convention, Bishop, Apostasy

Ramblers Are We

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Trifles and profanities distract us.

We walk over to a pile of steaming feces, buzzing with flies, and stare at it for a while. We find a racoon or armadillo on the side of the road, guts more on the outside than the inside, and poke it with a stick. We find a dirty magazine in an abandoned tree house and spend the afternoon trying to make out its images, despite the fact that they are obscured by the yellowing of age and the elements. We eavesdrop on a couple fighting about detergent at Wal Mart.

Most of the above scenes come from the life of a child or adolescent. The choice of those images is intentional.

We don't have to make much of an effort to sin. We can do so vicariously, constantly and numbingly. The remote control and the computer mouse put us in touch with a pantheon of idols that, unlike their ancient counterparts, speak and move. However, like the idols of past millenia, they are unable to save us from our unreality and shallowness.

We're on our way to a wedding and we stop at a topless bar. We're on a pilgrimage to a holy site and we detour at a gaudy tourist trap to buy air brushed t-shirts and souvenir shot glasses. We're due at a family reunion and we buy tickets for the carnival so we can gaze at the freak show.

We're not the first to be sidetracked in our pursuit of truth, beauty and goodness. We're not the first who, having arrived at a good destination, find ourselves afflicted by wanderlust and a desire for the open road. Our current state is not an Eden. Our way is not a Caribbean cruise. We get stones in our shoes on the way of holiness. We live with chafing trials in our sanctuaries, homes and places of employment.

Those things that come at us from without to put us off our goals find that they have an ally within us. We are prone to sin. We are open to temptation, though we may be more open to God. We are liable to be mesmerized by the stupidest of things if we stare long enough.

There are consequences for both our negligence and our rebellion. Party now and pay later. Prodigal sons, wandering God-fearers and exiled Israelites litter the history of the Lord's people. They are warning signs to us of the judgment against disobedience.

Our telos is perfection in holy love. We wander from this goal. The Lord our Bridegroom calls us to repent.

Propers for Trinity 9

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Related Tags: Holiness, Love, Sin, Temptation, Repentance, Salvation, Idolatry

The Other

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Side A

When walking in the mall
We have lost Daddy's hand
Amidst Humanity.

While commuting to work
We have lost our neighbor
In the Suburbs and in the City.

While voting for our leaders
We have lost fellow citizens
In the State.

During our work day
In our cubicle (or office)
Working for the Company

The Other Side

La-Z-Boy
iPod
PC (or Mac)
Bedroom
Tivo

Chatroom
XBOX
Karaoke
Superbowl
Fellowship

These are not beautiful thoughts.
They are not beautifully said.
They are thoughts reaching out
For the Other
For the other.

I'm sorry. Did you say something?

**

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Filed in Creative

Related Tags: Poety, Anthropology, Postmodernity, Alienation, Existentialism, Angst, Creative Writing

No Longer Torn

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"Darla, say it with me, 'I don't owe him anything.'"

"I don't owe him anything."

"That's right, honey. He has no right to come around here demanding you do this or that. You guys were engaged and all, but you never tied the knot."

"That's true, Gwen. You're right. He never was right for me."

"He was only ever wrong for you and for any other girl, truth be told. On his best day he was just a charmer who could act the part of the nice guy when it suited him."

"He's dangerous that way."

"Now you're talking. He's going in a lot of ways, and all of them lead south, as in down the toilet. His luck's gonna run out."

"It scares me to even think about it."

"Speaking of scared, he met Brian, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"What was that like."

"What you would expect. Brian was very firm and Dwight most likely will not show his face around here any more."

"Good riddance."

"Amen."

"You don't need to be afraid any more, Darla. You've got a good man. It looks like he's gonna stay around. He's God-fearing and kind. He also looks like he can handle himself in a scrape, thank-you-very-much."

"He'll take good care of me."

"Isn't his father some kinda big wig?"

"Yeah."

**

Propers for Trinity 8

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Related Tags: Creative Writing, Salvation, Romans, Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, Trinity, God, Gospel

Follow-Up on the Transfiguration

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A reader of axegrinder emailed me a question on the Transfiguration that I would like to respond to publicly.

"Why the transfiguration? I cannot remember ever being told why it occurred, what it accomplished, or why it occurred when it did."

Think in terms of truth, beauty and goodness. Try to put the idea of utility out of your mind for a moment. In other words, lay aside the requirement of "What did it accomplish?" Maybe a better way to say it would be to think about the utility of it in terms of truth, beauty and goodness.

Truth - There was a revelation of the relationship of the Father and the Son. "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased: Hear him."

Beauty - Jesus' humanity was transfigured, granting us a vision of what we will become when we are glorified together with him.

Goodness - Moses and Elijah, representatives of Israel, were there with the three "top" Apostles, representatives of the Church, communing with Christ. "It is good for brethren to dwell together in unity." (think "the communion of saints")

I think that exhibiting the reality of truth, beauty and goodness is quite an accomplishment and enough to "justify" any act of God.

As to why it happened when it did, I do not know. I might speculate that it had something to with the fact that the crucifixion was imminent. We might take a run through some of the Fathers. I am confident that they have something to say here. The Ancient Christian Commentary on the Scriptures would be a good starting point.

Propers for the Feast of the Transfiguration

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Related Tags: Transfiguration, Jesus Christ, Atonement, Cross, Christianity, Resurrection, Israel, Church

Transfigured

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In the Mystery of the Word made flesh, thou hast caused a new light to shine in our hearts, to give the knowledge of thy glory in the face of thy Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

Imagine waking up to the Transfiguration.

You have been napping. You wake up. Boom! There stand Moses and Elijah. There stands Jesus. He’s glowing. Not in the metaphorical sense that you’ve seen dozens of times. He is literally glowing.

“It’s good for us to be here. Let’s make camp.”

1. The Transfiguration honors the past. History is more than important to the Christian faith; it is essential. We do not bask in timeless, spiritual truths. Our faith is the stuff of time and space.

We are the inheritors of the legacy of Israel. We are the children of the Patriarchs. There is no Gospel without the Law and the Prophets. Jesus was incarnate in the fullness of time. That fullness included the histories of Moses and Elijah. The life of Christ is in continuity with the history of Israel.

2. The Transfiguration exhibits the supremacy of Jesus Christ. Moses and Elijah both met with God on mountains during their lifetimes. They were limited in what they could perceive of God at those times. Now, they see the brightness of the Father’s glory and the express image of his person.

Moses and Elijah worked for Jesus. Their stories are part of his greater story, the Gospel. Jesus fulfills everything that Moses and Elijah said and did. Moses and Elijah are there as particular characters in the unfolding story of God’s life in the world. They are also there as representatives of all of Israel. They defer to the Lord. “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased; hear him.”

3. The Transfiguration grants us a taste of what awaits us. Jesus was transfigured in his humanity (see Fr. Robert Hart). We too shall be transfigured in Christ. Our frail, clay pots shall be transformed into a beauty that puts to shame all the super-models and paparazzi bait. All the sickness, weakness, and proneness to error shall be laid aside in the glory of the new creation.

Grandma, you’ll lay that walker down forever. All those who have been bound to wheelchairs will outrun the fastest Olympic sprinter. My mentally and physically handicapped friends will outthink Socrates and out jump Lebron James. We will all trade our frustrated and failing intellects and will finally know the Triune God even as we are known by him.

4. The Transfiguration is only a foretaste. It is incomplete without the Atonement. Peter wanted to stay there on the mountain with Moses and Elijah. We want the spectacular. We want to drop names. “Yeah, we were just hanging with Moses and Elijah.” We like the mountain of glory. That’s understandable. That is what we were meant for. We were meant to know God face to face, to walk with him in unhindered, dependent fellowship.

Nevertheless, we must go on to the cross. Jesus must finish the work that he came to do. That work includes suffering and death. He must recapitulate Adam’s unfortunate history. He must undo the curse by overcoming sin and death through death. We must join him in death. Only then will it be possible for us to share in his resurrection glory.

Propers for the Feast of the Transfiguration

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Filed in Theology

Related Tags: Transfiguration, Jesus Christ, Atonement, Cross, Christianity, Resurrection, Israel, Church

That Dreaded Word - Synergism

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I have been thinking for some time now of introducing the word "synergism" to the vocabulary of the axegrinder blog. I have repeatedly been struck by the synergistic nature of the propers for Sunday worship. I have resisted using the word, though I have been using the concept for some time.

Basically, synergism is the idea that there is some kind of cooperative effort between God and man in salvation. God is always the initiator. He is always the perfecter. Nevertheless, man is not passive in his relationship with God. One passage that expresses Christian synergism is found in Ephesians 2:12b-13.

Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Synergism is anathema to most (all?) Calvinists and Reformed. Unfortunately, the idea is often misrepresented by Reformed people, and is therefore misunderstood by those under their tutelage. There is a Reformed website called "Monergism" that, predictably, misrepresents the orthodox, Christian idea of synergism.

1. Synergism is inferred by the Incarnation.
2. Synergism is clearly taught in the Scriptures.
3. Synergism is the overwhelming consensus of the Christian Tradition.

The propers for Trinity 7 also point to a synergistic relationship between God and man.

While not a dogmatic statement on soteriology (the doctrine of salvation), the two stories about Jesus miraculously feeding the multitudes with limited supplies are illustrative of the idea of synergism. Jesus does what only Jesus can do but he does it in cooperation with his followers. Someone else provided the bread and fish. Someone else distributed them to the crowd. Jesus initiated and perfected the work. Without the cooperation of the little boy who provided the food, the Lord and the Apostles the crowd's stomachs would have continued to rumble.

As ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. (Romans 6:19)

We used to cooperate with sin. This manner of life led us into more sin which would have ended in eternal death. We have been made free from sin by the Lord. We may now yield to him and do works of righteousness.

Being made free from sin,
and become servants to God,
ye have your fruit unto holiness,
and the end everlasting life.
Romans 6:22

John 17:3 says that knowing the Father and the Son is everlasting life. We are talking about quality of life as much as we are duration. The goal (end) of holiness is unimpaired communion with God and His Son, the God-man. If we have fellowship with the God-man then we have fellowship with God and man.

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

We earn death by our career in sin. We are given eternal life through the Lord Jesus. Whatever our cooperation accomplishes, it is only possible as we live by the Spirit through the Son to the Father.

Propers for Trinity 7

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Related Tags: Salvation, Synergism, Christianity, Orthodoxy, Calvinism, Reformed, Romans, Jesus Christ

Mega-Church Anthem in Two Parts

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Karn Evil 9
by Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Part 1 - The Lament

Cold and misty morning, I heard a warning borne in the air
About an age of power where no one had an hour to spare,
Where the seeds have withered, silent children shivered, in the cold,
Now their faces captured in the lenses of the jackals for gold.
I'll be there.
I'll be there.
I will be there.

Suffering in silence, they've all been betrayed.
They hurt them and they beat them in a terrible way.
Praying for survival at the end of the day,
There is no compassion for those who stay.
I'll be there.
I'll be there.
I will be there.

There must be someone who can set them free,
To take their sorrow from this odyssey,
To help the helpless and the refugee,
To protect what's left of humanity.
Can't you see?
Can't you see?
Can't you see?

I'll be there.
I'll be there.
I will be there
To heal their sorrow,
To beg and borrow.
Fight tommorow.

Part 2 - The Show

Step inside! Hello!
We've the most amazing show.
You'll enjoy it all, we know.
Step inside! Step Inside!

We've got thrills and shocks,
Supersonic fighting cocks.
Leave your hammers at the box.
Come Inside! Come Inside!

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Left behind the bars
Rows of Bishops' heads in jars
And a bomb inside a car.
Spectacular! Spectacular!

If you follow me
There's a speciality
Some tears for you to see.
Misery, misery,

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Next upon the bill
In our House of Vaudeville
We've a stripper in a till.
What a thrill! What a thrill!

And not content with that,
With our hands behind our backs,
We pull Jesus from a hat.
Get into that! Get into that!

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Welcome back my friends
To the show that never ends.
We're so glad you could attend.
Come inside! Come inside!

There behind a glass
Is a real blade of grass
Be careful as you pass.
Move along! Move along!

Come inside; the show's about to start
Guaranteed to blow your head apart.
Rest assured you'll get your money's worth -
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth.

You've got to see the show,
It's a dynamo.
You've got to see the show,
It's rock and roll.

Right before your eyes,
We pull laughter from the skies
And he laughs until he cries,
Then he dies, then he dies.

Come inside; the show's about to start,
Guaranteed to blow your head apart.

You've got to see the show,
It's a dynamo.
You've got to see the show,
It's rock and roll.

Soon the Gypsy Queen
In a glaze of Vaseline
Will perform on guillotine.
What a scene! What a scene!

Next upon the stand
Will you please extend a hand
To Alexander's Ragtime Band.
Dixieland, Dixieland!

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

Performing on a stool
We've a sight to make you drool
Seven virgins and a mule.
Keep it cool. Keep it cool.

We would like it to be known
The exhibits that were shown
Were exclusively our own,
All our own. All our own.

Come and see the show!
Come and see the show!
Come and see the show!
See the show!

**

Hack away.

Filed in Quotes

Related Tags: Mega-Church, Church Growth, Satire, Classic Rock, Postmodernism