J-Town in the House!

**

Good to see things are still going well in my old neighborhood.

The owner of the house I moved out of a year ago was shot in the leg by three men who were trying to kick in the door about three weeks ago. A friend put me on to the story.

I used to hear gunshots in the neighborhood pretty regularly. In a year, I probably called the cops a half a dozen times. Good memories.

Feet Don’t Fail Me Now

**
Whoever designed the tuxedo shoes that I wore today has serious antipathy for the human race, or at least grooms and their men. Maybe it’s the conspiratorial workings of a woman scorned. Maybe it’s a man trying to discourage other men from getting married. Maybe it is someone who has a vendetta against feet, or walking.

My feet: You have some nerve expecting us to abide in these shoes while you stand around for six hours.

Me: Listen, guys, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I could have done about it.

My feet: We are probably going to mutiny.

Me: Please don’t. I need you today. I’ll make it up to you when we get home. I’ll get in the recliner and keep you out of shoes and elevated for the next 15 hours. I’ll wear my adidas to church tomorrow. Don’t abandon me now.

My feet: We’ll see.

Sure enough, before the wedding even started my feet let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I would be paying dearly for what they obviously considered to be treasonous actions. I barely made it through the ceremony, my feet were in such violent revolt. They sent me nasty messages for about the next four hours.

The three block death march from the reception back to my car convinced me, if there was ever any doubt, that I am a total wimp. I am not a big fan of pain. Or the instruments of pain. Like tuxedo shoes.

The Person Behind the Signs (2006)

**
Pentecost/Whitsunday

There are a lot of fireworks surrounding the coming and abiding presence of the Holy Spirit. There was a loud sound like a powerful wind. The building was shaken. The Scriptures speak of fiery tongues appearing over the heads of the disciples on the day of Pentecost.

Following the descent of the Holy Spirit the disciples are speaking in languages that were previously unknown to them. The purpose of this miraculous speech was to communicate the wonderful works of God to those whose attention was on the newborn Church. As with Christ, so with the Holy Spirit, his presence was attended by events that signaled to the participants that a divine person had shown up.

When Jesus came he did miracles. He spoke gracious words. He did these works and spoke these words by the Holy Spirit in the name of his Father. Everything about him told us what his Father was like. He wanted people to know and love his Father. He wanted people to believe in his Father through him.

When the Holy Spirit came the Church did miracles. The Church spoke gracious words by the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit came so that we might know about and participate in the relationship of the Father and the Son. He came so that by him we might believe in the Father through Christ.

The signs and wonders are important but they are not the end, they are simply the means to the end. The goal of the Spirit’s descent on Whitsunday (Pentecost) is that all people might know the Father and the Son within the context of the Church. My prayer is that this sublime goal would be achieved in all of us and, through us, in all of the world.

Propers for Pentecost

Update: A folow up post I did last year called "Be Filled with the Spirit"

Chesterton vs. Puritanism

**
A Ballade Of An Anti-puritan
by GK Chesterton

They spoke of Progress spiring round,
Of light and Mrs Humphrey Ward--
It is not true to say I frowned,
Or ran about the room and roared;
I might have simply sat and snored--
I rose politely in the club
And said, `I feel a little bored;
Will someone take me to a pub?'

The new world's wisest did surround
Me; and it pains me to record
I did not think their views profound,
Or their conclusions well assured;
The simple life I can't afford,
Besides, I do not like the grub--
I want a mash and sausage, `scored'--
Will someone take me to a pub?

I know where Men can still be found,
Anger and clamorous accord,
And virtues growing from the ground,
And fellowship of beer and board,
And song, that is a sturdy cord,
And hope, that is a hardy shrub,
And goodness, that is God's last word--
Will someone take me to a pub?

Envoi
Prince, Bayard would have smashed his sword
To see the sort of knights you dub--
Is that the last of them--O Lord
Will someone take me to a pub?

Horrible Dialogue 1

**
Two characters are talking about the Horrible Thing that's happened to Character 1. The Horrible Thing usually involves Character 1's child, spouse, BFF, or the person that they are having sex with but are not married to.

(I tried not ending that sentence with a preposition, but it didn't sound like I wanted it to. Dang, I just did it again.)

Character 1 is invariably acting unreasonable. Character 2 is trying to be sympathetic and says,

"Listen, I understand what you're going through." (Ugh, another sentence ending in a preposition.)

Character 1 grossly overreacts and screams/spits/emotes,

"No, you don't. You don't understand at all."

Friend, if you are a writer who has resorted to that exchange in any of your work, please quit now and go do something useful, like walking celebrity dogs or waxing Rosie O'Donnell's mustache.

If you have ever said to anyone who is trying to console you or talk to you, "You don't understand at all," please take a vow of silence until you realize that the world does not revolve around you.

PS I'm glad our cable TV package gives us two of the three networks for women (WE and Lifetime - sorry Oxygen, I guess I'll miss the new season of "Upwardly-Mobile, Empowered Women Who Are Not Named Oprah"), the homosexual channel (Bravo) and the adolescent 30-something male channel (Spike), but not ESPN. I can watch all the shows I want about female serial killers, gay dudes cutting hair and bikini busters, but not the NBA Playoffs on Friday night. Thanks, Time Warner Cable, you purveyors of nitch garbage.

Man, I'm kinda cranky, huh?

John Leo on Blah Blah Blah

**
"All around us is prose intended not to convey meaning, but to mask and distort."

John Leo informs us that if you drink the Post-Modern Kool Aid, you will lose your ability to communicate.

"In plain English, what does it mean when students “achieve a deficiency” or reach a “suboptimal outcome?” It means they failed. A “suboptimal outcome” is even worse in a hospital. It means the patient died. The airline industry sometimes speaks of a “hull loss.” What it means is that a plane just crashed. Here’s more twisted language: your doorman is now known as an “access controller,” and a receptionist is a “director of first impressions.” Hospital bills can be filled with such language. How about a “thermal therapy unit”—an ice bag—or a “disposable mucus recovery unit,” also known as a box of Kleenex? ...

"Joyce Kilmer’s famously awful non-poem reads: “Poems are made by fools like me/But only God can make a tree.” Today, Kilmer might have to write: 'Versified and rhythmic non-prose verbal arrangements are fashioned by people of alternative intelligence such as myself, but only the divine entity, should he or she actually exist, can create a solar-shielding park structure from low-rise indigenous vegetative material.' ...

"Several kinds of writing heresy are thriving in the universities. One is that the ability to write is so unimportant that it should be expected only in humanities departments, maybe just in English courses. Another is the romantic notion that rules, coherence, grammar, and punctuation are unimportant: what counts is the gushing of the writing self. One adherent of this school of thought told me that we should no longer talk about misspellings, but personal spellings. The self decides what is right and wrong. Writing in The Public Interest, City Journal contributing editor Heather Mac Donald has reported that 'students who have been told in their writing class to let their deepest selves loose on the page and not worry about syntax, logic, or form have trouble adjusting to their other classes—the ones in which evidence and analysis are more important than personal revelation or feelings.'"

Go read it all. Really.

Light from the Ghetto 1

**
By "ghetto" I mean the self-imposed religious and intellectual isolation that results from the embrace of ill-conceived and reality-shrinking orthodoxies.

I heard the following exchange recently:

"Yeah, he lives out his Reformed theology."

"What do you mean?"

"He drinks and uses bad language."

"Oh."

I guess if you added cigarettes, he'd be possessed of the unholy trinity of vice: drinking, smoking and cussing. You could mark him down as heir to the throne of the Man of Sin.

Now, if you've read axegrinder for very long you realize that I am no friend of Reformed theology, but this kind of mental paralysis masquerading as Christian thought galls me.

Trembling (2006)

**
Shhhh. Kneel down with me here in the corner. You can close your eyes if you want to. I’m going to take a minute and look around the room.

There’s Mary, the Lord’s mother. (I thought you might keep your eyes open, too, at least for a minute.) Is she smiling? I can’t tell from over here.

John is off to the side. He looks like he’s wrestling, like a dog trying to press itself as close to its master’s leg as possible.

Yes, Peter is right there in the middle. Yes, he is crying. Yes, I’m pretty sure I know why.

The three James’s are spread out: Alphaeus’s son, John’s older brother, and Jesus’ relative.

The room is breathing. In and out. The collective prayers and praises course through each person who has come.

There is anticipation here. It is not desperation. There was that time, but thankfully it is gone. The Lord chased it away when he came back. Now, he is gone again.

I can feel the intensity here. It is like the warmth of liquor working its way through a body. It is like spilled milk being soaked into a paper towel placed flat on the counter. It makes me tremble. I have been transported and I am transfixed. We are all reaching out, up.

These people touched Jesus. Mary birthed him, nursed him, changed him. She held his corpse. They all knew him. They’re not mourning, for he is not dead. But, they all want something.

We’re not sure exactly what to expect but we know it will be different, better, more. Once the Comforter comes, we will recognize him, yet the experience will be totally other.

So we pray.

And wait.

And believe.

Propers for the Sunday after Ascension

Hack away.

Fr. Stephen Freeman Rambles Profitably

**
Make a point to read Fr. Stephen Freeman. He's Orthodox. He's a Southerner. Two of my favorite things.

Fr. Freeman just posted some thoughts with which I am very sympathetic. He touches on some things that I really want you to consider. Please don't stop with the following excerpts.

"I am convinced that for an increasing number of Christians, an increasing number of essential elements are no longer essential to what they believe - the result being the creation of increasingly new belief systems. These may still be described as Christianity, because they are religions centered around the figure of Jesus Christ, but are, in fact, new belief systems ...

"This morning, for instance, I celebrated the Divine Liturgy for the Feast of the Ascension of Christ (40 days after Easter). I was also aware that probably two, possibly three other Churches in my town were doing something similar. There is a Catholic Church and I’m sure there was at least one mass, if not more. There is an Episcopal Church, and it is possible, though not not necessarily the case, that there was a liturgy today or tonight. I would also think it possible that the feast was kept by one or two of our Lutheran congregations. What I have mentioned is indeed a minority in our Southern town. For most Christians, the Ascension of Christ will never be mentioned to them in a way that would make them think that the event was significant ...

"There is no lowest common denominator of Christianity. There is no modest form of the faith around which we may gather. There is only the “faith, once and for all delivered to the saints” (Jude 1:3). Anything less is either no longer Christian, or building a foundation for something that in time will not be Christian."

Read it all.

I have had similar thoughts about the indelible connection between worship and theology. Participation in the Church Year over the last five years has done much to awaken me to the importance of all the major events in Christ's life. Worship in an Apostolic communion has formed me.

Ascension (2006)

**
Look Up Redux

Because It's There

**
I don't know how I can pass up offering you a link to the following site:

The International Breastfeeding Journal


How is it that I have never heard of this? I, for one, am happy to live in a world that has a journal solely dedicated to the art of breastfeeding. God bless us, every one.

Some kidding aside, while it's not one of the pillars of my campaign, I do see how breastfeeding is a part of the whole homeschool, recovery of the family, repudiation of the nanny-state thing.

Get to reading, folks.

[HT: Chris Edwards of the Cato Institute Blog]

Glorious Curmudgeonliness

**
Archive of "The Outbursts of Everett True"

(click image to enlarge)

Anyone who uses the insult "simian-headed biped" can't be all bad.

[HT: Fred Sanders of Scriptorium Daily]

Thinking Is Good For You (2006)

**
I stole the title of this post from Professor Steve Blakemore. He taught me philosophy and pastoral ministry in seminary. He has also been a good friend and counselor. The title of this post is the title of his blog, Thinking Is Good for You, and it is. The title of his blog, like mine, is descriptive of his personality and concerns.

Thinking is not only good for you, it is essential to the Christian life. Not thinking, or thinking the wrong thing, has led to a whole slew of messes, including the murder of people who did not believe correctly. Thoughtfulness is not your enemy.

"O LORD, from whom all good things do come; Grant to us thy humble servants, that by thy holy inspiration we may think those things that are good, and by thy merciful guiding may perform the same; through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen."

Between "the hearing of the word" and "the doing of the word" there is "the thinking about the word." Thoughtless (or ill-conceived) action, sometimes mislabled "obedience," is as dangerous as inaction, or "disobedience." In other words, doing the wrong thing can cause as many problems as doing nothing.

So between hearing and doing is thinking. We need to hear the right things. We need to think the right things. We need to do the right things. There are so many opportunities for things to get screwed up.

We need the Lord to help us. We need him to give us preachers who will speak "the word" to us, so that we might hear the truth. We need him to give us teachers who will instruct us in how to think about 'the word," so that we might process the truth. We need him to give us examples who do "the word," so that we might act out the truth.

The Father is not stand-offish. He wants to hear our prayers. His Son makes intercession on our behalf. The Spirit assists us in our prayers as we live in the bosom of Mother Church.

O Lord, have mercy upon us. We are liable to error in so many ways. We need you to give us a hearing ear, an understanding mind and an obedient will that in all things we may live in communion with you, our Father, your beloved Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter. Amen.

Propers for Easter 5, Rogation Sunday

Hack away.

The Three Sons (2006)

**
A parable from Easter 4 2006

Suns, Mavs and Automobiles

**
In celebration of the Suns advancing to the 2nd round of the playoffs, and out of respect for the Mavs' fine season that ended tonight at the hands of Baron Davis, his beard, and the rest of the Warriors, I offer the following:


Nowitzki: "Steve, where is your other hand?"
Nash: "Between two pillows."
Nowitzki: "THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!!!"
Nash: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Nowitzki: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Nash: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Watch the scene that this post references.

*Steve Nash looks like a turtle in that picture.

Filed in Humor

A Few Thoughts About "Progressives"

**
1. When cultural "progressives" (re: reprobates) make up fantastic stories about those evil people who oppose homosex and abortion, they get movies made. See "V for Vendetta" as just one of many of examples. When Christians do the same, the Church, for the most part, has the good sense to relegate them to a place of irrelevancy. See Jack Chick and his hilariously awful Chick Tracts.



2. Calling oneself "progressive" while promoting agendas that further the process of reprobation in the world is a striking fulfillment of the prophet's comments about those who call evil good, good evil, put light for darkness, and darkness for light, call bitter sweet and sweet bitter.

3. How's this for upside down:

Sodomites appropriating the rainbow as their symbol.

The rainbow is God's message to mankind that the world will never again be deluged with water. I assure you that it was never meant to be a symbol of the freedom to debase yourself lower than animals. That's precisely what necessitated the Flood in the first place.


Don't be like Little Bobby. Repent.

The Wesley Brothers and Barroom Tunes

**

"There is a popular misconception that continues to survive among United Methodists that John and Charles Wesley made use of tavern, drinking, or bar songs, as melodies for their hymns. The same is often heard of the great reformer and musician, Martin Luther. This claim is sometimes made to show the extent of their evangelistic zeal; namely, that they would go out into the secular culture, even into the taverns, saloons, and parlors frequented by the sinners they sought to redeem and make use of the musical language, the familiar drinking song tunes, for their own sacred hymns. The claim continues to be made today by some musicians, pastors, worship leaders, composers, and hymn writers. Unfortunately, this is a misapplication of a historical inaccuracy."

Read it all.

HT: Prester Scott

Unconventional Four Point Play

**
From Sunday's Suns vs. Lakers game:


I watched this game. The Suns won. And this play was just as good live and at regular speed as it is in slo-mo replays and still pix. Kobe was visibly ticked off after the play. It was this season's answer to this play from last year.